To Torment a Genma
by Lotus Aia
Summary: Someone finds the best way to torture Genma, and torture it is. His senbon are missing! An elaborate plot against the once light hearted Genma sends him reeling in what appears to be a conspiracy. Set in the Naruto world wherein there is [Genrai][Kakairu]
1. Wherein Genma is played

Howdy. Yaoi GenxRai… but that's not what this story is focusing on. It's just in my little perverted Naruto universe, wherein generally everyone is gay. Don't like it? That's fine with me. Shoo.

* * *

To Torment A Genma

* * *

Genma rolled over into the down pillow; his favorite down pillow, in fact, the most favorite and oldest down pillow he had. The old brown flannel cover was close to nostalgic, and the way the feathers curved around his head was like an old friend every night when he laid down. He loved his pillow like a child loved his teddy bear after the door had been shut and the monsters of the night began to crawl around. There was just no replacing such a wonderful pillow.

A swift kick in the knee rudely yanked the jounin from his pillow reminiscing, though, Raidoh turning over in his sleep and mumbling something about elbow tag. Genma mumbled back about knee caps and turned over lazily, reaching to his night stand while trying to avoid straining his morning brain functions. Fingertips met cooled wood, then traveled around the empty space expectantly, waiting from the second most nostalgic object in his life; his beloved senbon. It didn't matter which senbon, as long as he had one, any one, in his mouth to keep his wandering mouth, hands, and mind at bay when there was nothing else to do.

"Raaaidooooooh…." He kicked backwards several times, attempting to wake his partner. "Raaaidooooooooh." The intruding foot was rewarded quite suddenly, a scarred elbow snapping back to clash with Genma's skull. "Owwww…."

"Don' touch meh…" Raidoh rolled onto his stomach, hiding the pout on his face from having been awakened from an exhilarating dream.

"Raidoh… I can't find my senbon…"

An aggravated sigh was his first response, followed by a none to compassionate second response. "You have hundreds… and you wake me up… to tell me that you lost _one_ from your nightstand?"

Genma considered this for a moment. "Well… yeah." He glanced over his shoulder anxiously. "I wanna know where it went!"

"I'm going to kill you."

"You're not a very good morning person."

Raidoh scowled and pushed himself out of the bed. "I'm taking a shower. Breakfast better be on the table when I get out, jackass."

o0O0o

"Hey. I don't see breakfast." Raidoh had made an effective dribbling puddle from the bathroom to the kitchen, his stomach growling and his towel already soaked with neglected water.

"Raidoh! I can't find- why are you in a towel? – Don't answer that. I can't find _any_ of my senbon. They're gone. All of them. So are yours. Gone." His eyes were wide in fright. There was an undying revere in the back of his eyes, an unworldly feeling of some higher being in the house. "I have _hundreds_ and they're all _gone._" By now, he was convinced there was a devil, and that he was for some reason the horrible butt of his joke.

Raidoh stared at his partner and long time acquaintance in a general disbelief, mostly convinced that this was a prank Genma was pulling on _him._ "Are you… I mean, that's impossible. Did you check the couch cushions? I always find some in the couch cushions. I usually find them with my ass, too." His eyes suddenly went annoyed. "You know, you leave those stupid things everywhere, there has to be some you neglected to clean up!" he left his puddle on the floor to weave a wet trail to the living room now.

"I looked! I even looked in the garbage can for the old one I threw out yesterday! And it's gone! I distinctly remember shoving it in an orange peel, and I found the orange peel with a hole in it!" he flailed at the counter, a maniac fear returning to his eyes.

"Kami-sama, calm down. Lemme go get some clothes on, then we'll look around some more."

"I'M A JOUNIN! I KNOW HOW TO SEARCH A HOUSE!"

Raidoh stared for a long moment, steely gaze plastered to his lover. "I'll give you three seconds to calm down before I pound your ass."

Effective for the time being, Genma took a deep breath and went to the refrigerator. "Maybe…. Maybe it was Kakashi. He's still all… uppity about the teasing… and all…" he wandered in a daze over to the refrigerator. "Maybe I shouldn't have teased him…"

Raidoh slipped from the room, Genma still mumbling to him even in his absence. Today had not started out well. First he'd been rudely awakened, and now he was hungry with a zombified Genma staggering around the kitchen. "Kami…"

o0O0o

Iruka's eyebrow twitched when he got a look at the frantic arms waving at him from the back window. So far, the students were yet to notice the distraction, and it was his only hope that they didn't see Genma. Last time the jounin had been in there, he had caused utter chaos. He'd been asked to substitute for _five minutes_, that was it! Sandaime had only taken him out of his room for five minutes! Upon returning, the students had been in bedlam, screaming, running, bleeding, and laughing all at once.

"Alright class, why don't you work a quick summary of the lesson, alright? I'm going to step into the hallway for a moment." He called loudly, Genma taking the hint and poofing into the hallway from the garden.

Iruka closed the door quietly behind him, but stayed visibly in the window of the door to keep an eye on the students. "You can't find Kakashi, right?" Iruka muttered flatly, eyeing a boy in class who was poking his partner with a pencil and giggling.

"Yes. It's an emergency. I think he stole all my senbon." Genma's voice ghosted out the horror as if he were mentioning someone coming back from the dead.

Iruka chuckled, "I'm sorry, Genma, he' been on a mission for the last two days." He apologized kindly, then squinted, "That's what's wrong! I couldn't place it!" he grinned, "You don't have a senbon in your mouth!"

Genma all but grabbed Iruka's flak vest to shake him. "I have NO senbon whatsoever! Gone! All of them! Can- can I borrow one of yours? Just to chew on until I get to the store?" The guiltless pleading was downright pathetic, earning him a look that clearly stated, 'are you that desperate, you little six year old?'

"Genma… the weapon's supply store is just down the road. Besides, I don't have even one. I'm teaching. I've found it best not to carry weapons, seeing as trying to get between rows of desks makes my weapons pouch an easy target. Raidoh didn't have any?"

"None."

"Oh. Hm. That's a dull prank." He snorted flatly. "Are you sure it wasn't Raidoh? Not that I'm implying he pulls dull pranks, but maybe you were mean to him about something?"

"No. This is so much more than a dull prank. Only a genius would know what this would do to me. I can't function properly!" he twitched angrily, eyebrow ticking.

Iruka hesitated, frowning. "That's… an odd quality. I've-hey!" he swung the door open and glared. "Put it down." He warned, pointing a finger at the boy who had raised his pencil to hurl threateningly.

He lowered his arm slowly, avoiding his sensei's eyes. "How'd he _do_ that!" he hissed to his partner, who only shrugged and looked busy.

"Genma-san, as enthralling as this conversation is, I have to get back to them before someone loses an eye. I'll tell Kakashi about your… problem… when he gets home tonight, alright? – Hey! What did I just tell you?" he closed the door and snatched the pencil from his student, turning it around and poking the brat in the arm, "Does it feel good? Now imagine it being thrown at the back of your head!"

Genma turned, dejected, and started down the hall. "Weapons store. Down the street." He repeated Iruka's words to himself reassuringly. Of course a weapon's store would have his preferred weapon.

o0O0o

"I'm terribly sorry, Genma-san, we're completely out. Our last shipment didn't come in, and the next isn't going to be here till the month following." He shrugged apologetically. "I'm sure that you have extra stock at the Academy, don't you?"

"They're for training purposes only. Every single one of them has "Training Academy Senbon" scribed into them. They explode if brought off campus. Kids sneaking them out and all." He explained glumly, looking around the store. "None? At all?"

"Not a single one." He shook his head apathetically, turning to another customer that had walked up with a large basket of deadly looking weapons. "Goodmorning Ten-Ten!"

"Mornin' old man! Gots me some new places to put these!" she grinned, setting the basket on the counter with a dull thud

Genma's feet dragged as he left the store, his teeth instinctively chewing on the only thing available in his mouth: his cheek and tongue. At this rate, he'd be bleeding out the mouth by noon.

The local restaurants were bound to have them, or something like them. He nodded firmly and started his second quest.

* * *

I've had this on my computer forever, and I've finally gotten around to posting it. Now it's just a matter of continuing it. For those of you who are wondering about the 'teasing' Kakashi received from Genma, go read Revenge of the Uke (wherein Kakashi and Genma discuss Kakashi's recent sexual jaunt with Iruka) Poke me if you want this continued, because I have to will power. 


	2. Wherein Genma blames

Heyhey. I'm in Maui, without a way to update any of my stories. So by the time you read this, I will probably be home or I will have found a way to update without my memory stick. On with the Genma torturing!

Edit: I hooked up my laptop to an internet jack because I was getting death threats. Go figure. They weren't necessarily for this story… but some people are seriously drugged by oO

Look, palm trees!

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To Torment a Genma, part two

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A lull in the bar washed away any obtrusive noises that had been going on beforehand. Genma had stepped in, an the immediate feeling of bad vibrations sent every Shinobi to edge. There was something _wrong_ with him, and they couldn't quite place it.

"Hey, Gen-"

"Don't talk to me." The bandana-clad man busied himself with making his way to the bar counter and avoiding every recognizable face he could. "Hey, hey , you always put toothpicks in your little food platter things!" he declared to the bartender, one hand slapping down a twenty dollar bill to the table. "I'll pay you for all of them!"

A mildly perplexed look washed over the bartender, "What? Oh, you mean those cute little sandwiches and stuff we used to sell? The cook that made those for all of the bars and delis passed away, so we don't get them anymore. Sorry about that! Have you tried the local restaurants?"

"Yes! They were sued for little kids stabbing themselves in the mouth with toothpicks so now none of them carry toothpicks!" his hands tossed into the air dramatically and clenched at invisible throats. "This is all an elaborate conspiracy to spite me, I know it!" his eyes danced with a crazed anger, fire burning somewhere deep within him.

"Um… would you like a drink?"

"NO! I want a senbon!" he turned sharply, nearly bowling over a fearful patron of the bar. Genma snarled at the haphazard bystander and stormed back through the bar to the door. "I'm gonna kill this & #&(#$ bastard!"

o0O0o

"…You think Kakashi killed the cook to make sure there were no toothpicks in Konoha?" Raidoh stared at Genma with a pained face. "Have you completely lost your mind?"

Genma stopped to consider a moment. Kakashi was a crazy bastard, but he wasn't really the type to take someone life for an evil joke. But he wouldn't put the asshole past 'severe wounding'. Kakashi was known to draw blood for good jokes. Killing may have been a step or three too far, though.

"No… but… this is completely impossible! Someone is playing a seriously dirty trick on me!" he defended, one finger poking the tabletop viciously. "I know it!"

Raidoh sighed and shook his head, leaning over his dinner. "You're just losing it. You're just not looking in the right places. This is a Shinobi village, meaning, there are sore shinobi, meaning, they go to acupuncturists."

Genma's eyes lit up like a child with Saturday morning cartoons.

o0O0o

"Excuse me, I'm here-"

"WHAT! Speak up child!" The old woman behind the counter leaned forward, cupping one hand around her ear.

Genma faltered a moment, then raised his voice, "Excuse me! I'm here to ask if you have any extra acupuncture needles!"

She shook her head at him perplexed, crossing her flabby arms over an ample yet sagging bosom. "Why the hell would you come here looking for bugs? We don't have bugs!"

He stared, jaw dropping open but no sound making its way from his throat.

"WHAAAAAT! SPEAK UP!" She crowed even louder, leaning forward.

Genma planted his hands on the counter and leaned forward as well. "No! Acupuncture needles for sale!"

"We don't have money for bail, get the hell out of my business you pervert!" She emerged from around the corner with a broom, beating at Genma's ankles until he was running for the door in panic.

"Goddamit you old hag, I'm looking for- ah!" he was abruptly stopped by a form not to much larger than his own, but perceptibly smellier. He cringed and looked up into what could have been considered one sixth of a face. "Kakashi!"

"Oh, hello Genma. You know that's really no way to talk to an old lady, especially one as nice as Mrs. Sakumo." He smiled and waved to the flabby armed old woman.

She beamed, her face morphing from 200 year old pissed off dinosaur to sweet grandmother. "Oh, Kakashi-san! You must be so tired, look at those clothes! Would you like to eat something while we work on you?"

"Oh, that's not necessary, I can just wait for food. It's only been a day or two since I've eaten-"

"Well then I'll just whip you up some lunch, okay? You go strip and lie down on the table in there and I'll send Mr. Sakumo right in, alright?" she purred, taking his arm and patting a few bruises on his knuckles.

"That sounds wonderful, Mrs. Sakumo, thank you. – Hey, Genma… where's your senbon today?" he asked curiously, one finger scratching at the corner of his mouth to indicate the missing article.

The shinobi in question's ears turned purple, cheeks puffing indignantly. "GODAMMIT!" he turned and stormed from the room, "I'm going to kill you Hatake Kakashi!" he pounded the door open, ignoring the announcement bells that went sailing down the sidewalk.

Kakashi snickered and looked down to Mrs. Sakumo. "Maybe I should pay for his treatment, too?"

* * *

Aaah… poor Genma's losing it, ne? What should we do about that?

XD -Aia


	3. Wherein Genma is relieved

Dear Genma,

I'm sorry I neglected you for so long and left you in a senbon-less limbo land. Please forgive me. Here is my update.

Sincerely yours,

Andraia (aka Lotus Aia)

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To Torment a Genma, part 3

* * *

The situation defied logic. Genma was sure of this fact and tried desperately to convince his fellow shinobi. Every shinobi, from genin to jounin, even a few of the Anbu guards he had approached at Tsunade's door, lacked even a single senbon. It was absurd! How could the _entire village_ be so unprepared with one of the most commonly used stealth weapons?

Raidoh had grown a little more than worried now. Soft expressions of puzzlement were followed by forlorn and bemused glances. His boyfriend was _not_ psychotic, but he _was_ on his way to getting there. Raidoh agreed that the situation was abnormal, but Genma's reaction was more so the problem to be worried about.

One particularly grueling day (the third day in Genma's torture?), the facially scarred shinobi sat his livid partner down on the couch and laid a gentle reassuring hand on his knee. "Genma. You are not. Going. To. Die." he murmured, treading carefully over this newfound rage. "It's a senbon. You cannot be this attached to something so… inanimate. And small."

"I know!" Genma tore off his bandana and ran a hand through his hair. Abruptly, Raidoh realized just how odd he looked wearing a shinobi vest without his senbon or his bandana. It was like a new person! The agitated man continued without knowledge of Raidoh's betraying thoughts of having the senbon permanently disappear. "It's not just the fact that I don't have my senbon now, it's the fact that_ no one_ has a senbon! It's crazy! Ludicrous! How can a ninja village be completely void of a ninja weapon?"

"…Have you tried chewing on the teriyaki skewers?"

"They're too long and heavy. Hurt my jaw." he bemoaned. "And the metal tasted bad and all…" A defeated sigh fell over him, body dropping to hang loosely over his knees.

Raidoh rubbed his back comfortingly, thinking to himself for some possible way to relieve this entire mess. "Why don't you keep looking around the house. There must be some around here, you always leave them in inappropriate places anyway. I'll go ask around and see if anyone has seen anyone acting suspiciously. You think it was Kakashi, you said?"

"Yes. Definitely."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because. This is something only an elite could pull off. And he's just the jackass to do it."

Raidoh shrugged and pulled on his hitai-ate. "Alright… if you say so. I'll see what I can find out." he promised, closing the door behind him grimly. He feared leaving the berserk ninja alone suddenly.

o0O0o

Kakashi knocked on the classroom window. Thirty curious eyes turned to face him, all staring openingly at the Cyclops-resembling jounin at the window.

Iruka scowled slightly and quickly excused himself from the front of the class, gliding to the window and tossing it open. "I'm _busy._"

"I can see that."

"…"

"…."

"What!"

Kakashi's single eye took on a hesitant smile, "Uh… do you know anything about Senbon… and Genma… missing?"

Iruka nodded, impatient to return to his class. They had just begun the silent visual connections which could only lead to the silent 'teacher attack mode' if too much time was left for them to plan.

"Yes, yes, he said something about he couldn't find his senbon anywhere, so I sent him to a restaurant or something. I'm in the middle of class Kakashi, you know I can't leave them alone for too long!" he glanced over his shoulder, distressed to find the little buggers had already begun, "Look, now they're already getting the paper shuriken folded. I have to go." he began to close the window, but Kakashi snapped one arm up and held it open.

"Iruka."

"What?"

"Give them back. I think you've gotten your revenge."

Iruka pouted. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Genma doesn't function well without his senbon. They're kind of like… his security. You have your hair tie, I have my mask… Genma has his senbon. I know you're unhappy about all the teasing he's been doing to us, but I think you've officially proved your point."

The chuunin eyed his boyfriend hard. "How'd you know it was me?"

Kakashi beamed. "Only the most elite prankster in Konoha could have pulled this off. And there's no one more elite than you, Iruka-sensei." he winked, then shoved his hands in his pockets to resume his lazy appearance. "Maa… it was a wonderful idea though, I wish I could have thought of it."

Iruka smirked silently and closed his window in finality.

The higher ranking jounin chuckled to himself and turned to saunter away, fully proud of his little chuunin and elite prankster.

o0O0o

"Genma!" Iruka smiled brightly to the disheveled commissions room worker. "For a while I thought you weren't going to be here! Last time that happened, we got a flood of mission reports and I couldn't handle them all." he chuckled, scooting his chair in to let Genma past.

"Hn…yeah'm'here…" Genma slurred, sitting down with a flop.

Iruka cocked an eyebrow at him, "Um… are you okay? Your cheeks look… is that blood dripping from you mouth…?" He stared in disbelief.

"Chewin'… on ma'mouth…" A dreary voice returned, on hand extending up to wipe away the moisture.

"Ah… oh! Your senbon! You still haven't found them?" The compassion in his voice was unmistakably _realistic._

"No…" Genma sighed dramatically, eyes glazed and staring straight ahead.

Iruka beamed brightly, "Well in that case, I'm glad I brought this! When you told me you lost yours, I felt so bad for you! So I dug around in my closet and found these. You can have them all if you like!" From the inside pocket of his vest, he produced a thin almost flat pouch, wrinkled distinctly into _senbon like shapes_.

Genma's eyes grew wide as the holiest of all holy grails was handed to him, so simply, so _happily_ by the savior Iruka-sensei.

Like a hungry bear on a happy camper, Genma attacked the senbon case and pulled out one delicately crafted and flawlessly beautiful senbon. Small words that were scribbled as 'Iruka-sensei' were painted in black on the sides, making Genma's heart flitter even more. Iruka's personal pack! Just for him!

"Oh, Iruka! You have no idea how grateful I am to you!" he lunged sideways, the heartfelt sentiment fleeting by in the form of an ecstatic hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Kami-sama, you have _no_ idea how much I appreciate this!"

Iruka beamed, "I think I understand."

Without further ado, Genma popped one into his mouth, the sweet, sweet feeling of ideal being washing over him. His protection, his sense of self. This was _it_. He had a senbon. Twelve to be exact! All thanks to Iruka-sensei!

"I'm so sorry I ever teased you and Kakashi about the whole uke-seme thing, I promise I won't do it anymore. You're my life saver! Thank you so much, Iruka." He breathed, clutching the little pack to his chest.

Iruka beamed brightly and patted him on the shoulder, "Anything for a friend, Genma-san."

Kakashi watched from the corner of the room, truly impressed. He couldn't believe it. He was dating the _mastermind_ of _prank_. It was truly an amazing sight, both the transformation from hell-bent Genma, and the spectacular performance of a true pank artist. He giggled to himself. Indeed, he'd just witnessed the greatest conspiracy in Konoha.

* * *

Bwuahahaha! Naughty Iruka-sensei! Did you enjoy?

Feed the ego, leave a review!

PS! The 'teasing' is a reference to another story I've written, called _Revenge of the Uke. _It was a one shot turned two shot, a short and fun read that some of you may have already guessed was linked to this one. Genma's comment about the 'uke-seme thing' probably was a big hint.


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